From a 70s senior to his 16 year old self

My dear teenager,

It is a great feeling moving into the seventies. Time has flown past you and reached me now. Looking back seems wonderful

What would I long to share with my own 16 year old self, after 5+ decades?

You will surely remember that we were raised in a middle class family in Colombo on a secular path. Three excited siblings. Our grandparents lived with us in adjacent homes. Dad’s family was large with ten siblings. They all lived next door. Mum had four, and they lived with us in the same house.

Life was awesome then. School, the daily commute by bus, Cricket, Table Tennis, Cycling, Books, Homework, Movies, Kinross Swimming Club on the beach on Sunday mornings, the garden with all its goodies, and some great food prepared by the matriarchs at home, was the order of the day. The love of our grandparents was unique in that it filled up so many voids left behind by Dad and Mum, who were always busy with whatever they had on their plate.

Learning new things through curiosity and questions was the way we lived. School was a great place to be. Our mentors were magnificent. They made us into mighty mental men.

Music was a huge part of life. The Radio Ceylon channel dished out and served us the very best in music. Everyone at home enjoyed the programs. The turntable came next and record collection became a part of life. The Teddy Bears Picnic (Childrens show at 5pm each evening), The Breakfast Show, Housewife's Choice, Sunday Choice, Take it or Leave it, The Volkart Show, were some of our favorites.

Reading was a critical part of every day. The book man used to come trudging on his bicycle and we were lavished with a whole host of material, from comic strips to history, to bite on. The library was a safe haven to take shelter in. The school library at Royal, The Public Library, The British Council and The American Center were heavenly abodes to seek reading contentment. They opened up highways of information that still remain stored inside my mind.

It was 1964. GCE O Levels was the most important thing to get by. It was the first hurdle that we needed to jump over successfully. University seemed still so far away. Computing and Music were alluring. Math was magical. GCE A levels popped up in 1966 and away we soared into the skies of a College education. Moving from a totally same sex environment in school to a mixed gender populace at University was an interesting learning curve in life. University also taught us politics. Socialistic thinking which was not dished out in a very pleasant manner but was so appealing to the "Robin Hood" mentality that most young people possessed.

Relationships came and went. Some were sweet. Some tragic. They left all kinds of voids inside us. We were romantic and often dreamed about meeting a special soul mate someday. We had our own criteria etched in our mind of who, what and how she should be.

People come and go. Some are beneficial, some not so. You have to pick and choose who you want to swing with. Either, they will make you or break you.

Death brings sadness. Grandpa went first in 1968. I cried. Parting was tough after so many wonderful years of togetherness, learning and love. The other oldies left too, one by one over the next few years. Some things had to leave. Time shadows the sadness and life goes on.

Work, travel, family and kids enter your life. Moving out of the country was a huge challenge. It’s a new beginning. Life starting all over.

It is so fascinating when you meet and recognize the way people behave and respond. There will be naysayers, soothsayers, teachers and preachers. Listen to them all but make up your own mind. Learn that we all have great potential in what we may choose to do in life, if only we can harness it. Just follow your passions.  Don’t forget to teach while you learn.

Underneath it all, it will be seen that the core values we develop growing up are intrinsically the same. Continue to treat people the way you want to be treated. The  strong family values passed on by our parents will be integral to the way we live. Remain open to learning and curious about the world. Keep on growing and expanding your mind, learning so much about yourself and others around you. Catch up on history. Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat the mistakes that were made.

Old patterns and conditioning and that old story of not being good enough rears its ugly head at the most inopportune of times. Understand that you are so much more than your thoughts and ego. Relish the times you feel and know this, even though your anxiety and fear can get in the way at times.

Be so proud of yourself for the times you step out of your comfort zone. Don’t shy away from challenges. Embrace them and through them you’ll become stronger and more resilient. Learn to be kinder to yourself and appreciate them now rather than looking at the what ifs and being fearful about the future.

Common Sense, Compassion, and Patience will be of immense value as you grow. They cannot be obtained overnight. They will evolve. Work towards them and you will get there sooner than I did. While it is not easy, it helps to try and look at issues from the other persons point of view, too. Give respect and you will receive it, multi fold.

Patience can be tough but its value is immense. Always think before you say or act instead of having to regret your knee jerk actions later.

At 16, you may think anyone in their seventies is ancient and is probably retired anyway but I can tell you, my own 16 year old self, that this notion is so far from the truth. Your desire to contribute and make a difference will remain, very much, the theme of your life no matter what age you are.

Life will continue to unfold in a variety of ways. Yes, there is no doubt you will become a lot wiser as you move older in age but you have still so much to learn and experience. You have different paths to take and will continue to challenge yourself and try new things, even though many of your family and friends can sometimes be puzzled by this way of thinking. 

Those old limiting patterns continue to rear their head but you are becoming so much more aware of them. You accept they are there but you aren’t consumed by them.  They are just thoughts and are not the essence of you.  You know life will continue to give you curve balls and they end up being your best teachers. No two minds can ever be the same. Bridging the gap is the trick. At the end f the day we all seem to be engaging in some form of manipulation with each other. There's no harm in that as long as it is not evil intended to bring harm, hurt and abuse upon others.

Life, eventually, is a sum total of all our experiences.

My dear 16 year old self, finally, let me share a powerful quote with you that has held me in good stead and sums up how I am living my life now, comfortably, at 70+.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

— Victor Frankl (1905-1997)